Lessons in Communication

Ryan: "Kim, you're thinking really quiet..."

Thank you Captain Obvious. But really- this phrase has merit worth discussing.

Ryan is a verbal processor. I am not. Ryan is a big picture kind of guy, I am not. Ryan has it all figured out. I do not. ( Just kidding about that last one.)

Due to our unique personality traits, Ryan and I have an interesting way of communicating. I mentioned a long time ago that we stand firmly on the same ground where it counts, but the paths we take to arrive there run no where near parallel. It's been fun trying to figure this out... so far. The wisdom I have to pass on (after my 1 year and almost 10 months of marriage) is to be slow to react and direct with your words. For instance, I know that we miscommunicate often because we are so different, so if I just wait a second until he's done processing, he might use the words and tones that will ACCURATELY portray what his point is. He knows that if I'm silent during a fight, it might not be that I'm festering on the inside with contempt... I just don't have a very large vocabulary so I need to make sure the words I use are correct and efficient to make my point. (I'm sure he struggles to wait for me to say something in those silences. He usually asks where I'm at if it's been a really long pause. Which is helpful if I've forgotten what I'm supposed to be thinking about.) We've learned to be direct with each other. I love him and he loves me and God put us together to duke it out. (enter smiley face) I wouldn't want it any other way. It's refining and dignifying to have someone you respect so much- love you enough to make you a better version of yourself.

Here are some bullet point lessons I've learned about communication:

• Defensiveness kills communication.
• React with humor and patience
• LISTEN first
• Never use sarcasm (It's hard to stop- I know.)
• Be direct. Passive aggressiveness is lame. Knock it off.
• Be Respectful

I'm sure I left a lot out, I just have one more point to make. If the issue is between you and a loved one, please remember that you are on the same team. It's you against the problem. If there is no problem and you're just picking on each other- what's the point?

I guess one of my upcoming posts should be about Strengths Finder 2.0 and why my first reaction is to challenge.