I'm stubborn, who knew?

Last night Ryan and I joined our small group with Hope CC at 'Feed My Starving Children.' If you've never heard of it, please look it up. It is a wonderful Christian organization that works hard to feed starving children all over the world. They have groups of volunteers come in and package food to send over seas to countries like Haiti, El Salvador, Kenya, Peru etc. Each meal costs 17 cents to make and we packaged over 9,000 meals in under an hour. They are run by donations... how amazing is that!

Anyways... I didn't want to go. I NEVER want to go. Here's the thing, in order to make this well oiled machine to work everyone works in groups... GROUPS! I don't like groups, I don't like crowds... it puts me in a funk just to think about it. I am a SEVERE introvert, even thinking about public interaction zaps my energy. You would think that I would suck it up and go because I LOVE this mission. Instead, I pouted like a 5 year old and whined to my husband. (that's right, whined, I'm grown up enough to have a husband but not grown up enough not to whine.) I'm talking all the way there. What made it worse is that every time prior to this time, I've had the same feeling before and the Holy Spirit made my heart do a 180 by the time I was standing in that assembly line. It makes me increasingly more mad that I can't fight the integrity of this cause, I cave every time. I mean really, what happened to my will power? When I was a kid I could sit though my punishment on the end of my bed for hours-- praising my parents names as they walked by ; "I loved this! I love my room! I love sitting on my bed! Thank you mom!" Try to understand that I'm not a bad person, I'm just stubborn. Ryan paraphrased my thoughts perfectly,

Me: "C'mon Lord, you created this rock, you just go ahead and TRY to move me!"

Lessons I learned? A) Don't challenge your Maker, He will put you in your place. B) It's okay to temporarily embrace your flaws as long as you leave room for your heart to change. C) Ryan is REALLY patient. D) I don't know how to be anyone but me.

And that's okay.