HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUSBAND!!!

Happy birthday to the most amazing friend and lover of my life. I love you, I respect you, I'm challenged by you and I wish I had the servant heart that you have. I am so proud to be your wife. I can't wait to see where this year takes you. Our God did such a great job making you. I am one lucky girl!

Lessons in Communication

Ryan: "Kim, you're thinking really quiet..."

Thank you Captain Obvious. But really- this phrase has merit worth discussing.

Ryan is a verbal processor. I am not. Ryan is a big picture kind of guy, I am not. Ryan has it all figured out. I do not. ( Just kidding about that last one.)

Due to our unique personality traits, Ryan and I have an interesting way of communicating. I mentioned a long time ago that we stand firmly on the same ground where it counts, but the paths we take to arrive there run no where near parallel. It's been fun trying to figure this out... so far. The wisdom I have to pass on (after my 1 year and almost 10 months of marriage) is to be slow to react and direct with your words. For instance, I know that we miscommunicate often because we are so different, so if I just wait a second until he's done processing, he might use the words and tones that will ACCURATELY portray what his point is. He knows that if I'm silent during a fight, it might not be that I'm festering on the inside with contempt... I just don't have a very large vocabulary so I need to make sure the words I use are correct and efficient to make my point. (I'm sure he struggles to wait for me to say something in those silences. He usually asks where I'm at if it's been a really long pause. Which is helpful if I've forgotten what I'm supposed to be thinking about.) We've learned to be direct with each other. I love him and he loves me and God put us together to duke it out. (enter smiley face) I wouldn't want it any other way. It's refining and dignifying to have someone you respect so much- love you enough to make you a better version of yourself.

Here are some bullet point lessons I've learned about communication:

• Defensiveness kills communication.
• React with humor and patience
• LISTEN first
• Never use sarcasm (It's hard to stop- I know.)
• Be direct. Passive aggressiveness is lame. Knock it off.
• Be Respectful

I'm sure I left a lot out, I just have one more point to make. If the issue is between you and a loved one, please remember that you are on the same team. It's you against the problem. If there is no problem and you're just picking on each other- what's the point?

I guess one of my upcoming posts should be about Strengths Finder 2.0 and why my first reaction is to challenge.

da Vinci vs. Duchamp

Disclaimer: I don’t want to fight. I just want to say my piece. And, I am in fact very fond of Duchamp’s “Nude descending staircase.” Also, I am not saying, brother, that Marcel Duchamp was not a pioneer; he deserves recognition for the questions he provoked as a part of the Dada movement. I am saying that some current artists take his ‘style’ and try to turn them into meaningful art. My argument is that Dada was a cultural anti-art movement. The art produced was supposed to break all the formal rules of art, defying all reason and logic. Today, we are no longer fighting the proponents of WWI or an intolerant culture; you are now just making crap out of crap for no purpose at all because you saw someone else do it. (If you are the exception, I would love to see it.)

I’ve always believed art to be a great form of expression, a way to relate to the world with an entire language of symbols. How fun! Circles, diagonal lines, evergreen… they all represent something. We see things and automatically understand them; we link them together in our critiques with the formal rules of art to make sense the piece at hand. So my question is why is the line between traditional and contemporary drawn and recognized beyond the distinction between skillful and amateur? It’s almost as if to say quality doesn’t matter as long as it fits into one of these two categories. Which do you associate with skillful mastery and which with amateur attempts? Hmmm…

I mean really. Picasso is a great example of how to blur the lines and break the rules. You may only remember disfigured silhouettes and the contrasted scene of Guernica, but Picasso demonstrated the mastery of his craft… he knew the rules, followed them, then blew them out of the water. He earned his stripes. (Not that I’m his biggest fan) He was a skilled painter but ended up with work that could seem amateurish.

Now, in the contemporary art scene there is an abundance of content, but a lull in craftsmanship and technique. The visual arts seem to have suffered the loss of impact in using carefully crafted images alone, resulting in crude attempts at ‘shock art’ and lengthy commentaries. We are slapped in the face with more literature in artist statements and titles on each piece that focus less on visual formality and more on rationalizing the meaning and purpose of the artists intent.
Lame. (If I wanted to read about your ideas, I’d buy your book.)

My whole point is, if you’re going to break the rules and be boisterous about it, learn them first so that you don’t look like a fool. I’ve run into many artists who have work that is less than ideal when it comes to pleasing aesthetics but would be offended if anyone offered an honest critique of his/her craft. Can you tell that I’m kind of sick of the whole “Art is subjective” crap? People have taken this way too far. While it is true that parts of art are subjective, there are some basics that are objective. (Enter the 7 pearls of painting by Larry, anyone?) These guidelines are a great start to making something you can be proud of. If you aren’t great at painting but want to say something, try writing. Our culture implies that anyone can be an artist as long as you have something to say… well I have good news for you, art is not limited to painting, so if you suck, move on to something more productive instead of paddling a sinking boat.

Thank you.

Exciting Things

1. Linds blogging every day for 30 days. Loving it and your lifelines.

2. I possibly get to see my dad this Father's Day weekend.

3. Heavey + Wong = High quality of excitement, LOVE the pictures!

4. Today's dramatic down pour on the cities.

5. Homemade caramels. They worked this time brother, come and get em!

6. Voicemails from Mona... it would be even more exciting if I could answer the calls!

7. Harry Potter in 1 month.

8. Baby Wickstra and Baby Hood (Both soon to be born!)

9. Our up coming summer vacation with the Tsai's.

10. Vanilla Ice Cream with real vanilla bean.

(not necessarily in that order)

Where the trees stand... No Chance

Craig (Brother in law #2) is a lazy blogger already so I feel the need to explain. We were enjoying a nice night of mocking blog names, starting with mine, A Creative Mess and A sliding glass door (Something about running into a glass door)... when it occurred that "Where the Trees Stand Still' was a bit too profound for the likes of our maturity that night. Craig had coincidentally been throwing daggers at a tree earlier that day, training for no doubt many battles to come (hence the picture). We were giving him a hard time because trees don't move, making them easy targets so reading about trees standing still felt a bit poetic. He meant no harm, just thought it all fell together beautifully and wanted to enter the blog world with jest. So Rooms, do not let your heart be sad, be encouraged that he chose you.

Tying Memories to Music

Which sense triggers the strongest memories and emotions in you? I would usually say scents for myself, but today I'm leaning toward sound. When I get a waft of a particular cologne I have a vague remembrance of a time in my life, or when I smell specific flowers, I remember my summer vacations to Hawaii. However, sometimes I can't quite assign the scent to a specific person, place or memory.

When it comes to sound though, specifically through music and lyrics... I can remember quite vividly what experience it was tied to. For instance, the first time I heard 'Strawberry Wine' by Deanna Carter, I was at a high school dance on a Friday after a football game in 11th grade. When the first twangs of the song came on, my friend Jenny Coffee clapped pretty excitedly and said, "I love this song!" I even remember the look on her face. When I hear the song "Latter Days" by Over the Rhine I'm transported back to college theater, sitting in the empty audience looking over the Christmas decorations strewn about on our beautiful castle set from the fall production of Hamlet. When I hear the song "All I Need" by Shawn McDonald, I remember a warm breeze, sitting in a Chicago suburb in roommates parents' back yard with my attention fixed on Erik Heavey as he strummed his guitar with a group of us singing along. (Wearing his White Hoodie with yellow Numbers- weird that I remember, I know.) I know this isn't unusual... to tie memories to music- I just really appreciate that God created us to be this way.

I've noticed that I've inadvertently fixed specific music to most of the people in my life. It might not even be music that they enjoy or that we've listened to together, but it reminds me of those relationships. For example, I associate Roommate with Dave Barnes, Monica with Bebo Norman (one specific song), Whit with Tracy Chapman, Maggie with Rascal Flatts and Callie with Keith Urban. Ryan is a whole different story, but he pops right into my mind any time Brad Paisley comes through a speaker. I know everyone likes music, but I think I appreciate it that much more because it reminds me of my friends- and I like to remember my friends.

In good fun.

It has begun. Craig has a blog.

B2 vs RM

I would like put a disclaimer on this that Craig (brother #2) loves nature and would never hurt anything on purpose. And this is in no way a personal attack, it's all in good fun.